Read confession
Sent to a friend I hate America. It's full of slobs and assholes and needs to die. And yet, I find myself wishing to join the military. I know it isn't because I want to protect the people I love, because the only person I love is someone I can protect quite nicely as it is. I guess I have to conclude that it's because I want the training... but I could piece that together from other places, too, it's not something I can only get from the military. It could be because it gets you NOTICED for better or for worse, and that's a definite draw for me. I already get noticed damn fast (told I'm attractive--I tend to agree--and I've got an IQ of 140 last I checked, not to mention my, eh.. quirks), though.. so... why should the military help? I mean, there's a definite cool factor in being able to say "I used to be in the military" and it gets you considered for jobs, but... I'm already in college (at sixteen) and studying to go to law school when I can. Should I even CONSIDER joining the military given the circumstances? Also... there are so many accounts of the stories of the military. A life filled with action, for instance, or real emotion rather than this fake stuff I'm stuck with. If I'm going to get psychologically traumatized, I want it to be something like seeing my best friend eviscerated in front of me. It had better be something REAL if I'm going to get tortured by it the rest of my life, not this relationship stuff that teenagers manage to bring upon themselves. Hell, my resolution this year was to get away from relationships for the sole reason that they make you feel SOMETHING but nowhere near what you CAN feel... I want my mind and soul to implode with either ecstasy or pain, but I'm not getting any. Lastly, there's the sadistic side of me that says I want to kill another being, and what could deserve it more than a human being? I could just want the excuse to destroy a life, which may sound scary to someone else but seems perfectly logical to me.On the opposite side, the only thing I can think of preventing me from doing it is the risk I might die. Look, I can handle things. I don't care if I get ragged on for not being religious, or for being bisexual. I don't see those things happening anyway--not exactly stuff you spread around--but still, I could handle it if it happened. If I got shot, repeatedly, I could handle it. I just... don't want to DIE. This could well be the only life I have. And I don't want it to end. To risk my life over training, getting noticed (especially as far as jobs are concerned), a chance at real adventure, and an excuse to kill if presented with a practical opportunity... I don't know if it's what I want. I don't know if it sounds smart. I'll probably look up some statistics and sleep on them, but I don't know... I always think "That could never happen, I'll be the one time it doesn't" or something along the lines of "I'm too important for that to happen to me" but... my LIFE is not something I want to lose on a bet like that.
Posted 1 year ago
Rating:0.00
Comments
Add your comment
All confessions will be authorised before they are shown.
Please input verification code:
flag as inappropriate content